damn, this thing is high…

Ah, Christmas. It is every little boy’s dream. It just seems that the older you get, the crappier the dream gets. Like, when I was younger, Christmas was like riding a magical unicorn across the Serengeti Desert, outrunning a hot breeze. Now, it’s more like sitting on Uncle Tony’s pony in the middle of a shit field that he hasn’t cleaned since he got the damn thing. You kick it in it’s sides and it turns it head, looks at you with a burning contempt, and eats some more shit-grass. Gitty-up.

At least my brother is still dreaming well. He got an X-Box and Halo 2. It makes me very sick to my stomach to say this, but I really like the X-Box. It makes me wet in my boyparts. So, like, in Halo 2, you are on this floating station thing, and it is really fucking high in the air. Then, like, you cut these wires to make it fall (although I don’t know what the wires tied to, because it was fucking floating), and it falls for an hour. I was all like, “Damn, this thing is high.” It was cool, because Ashley was playing co-op with me, and I let her cut the last wire. Then we flew spaceships for a while and shot at some other spaceships. She died a few times, but I never did because I am the God of Halo. I’m a lot like Jesus, except instead of turning water into wine and shit, I turn a live enemy into a dead one.

I believe this is a far better power, because wine can mess you up bad, but a dead enemy cannot.