machine gun

i lay there in the night quiet dark with the melody. it sang soft and sweet in my ear. and strong. the ear heard it and transposed it into simple beats and rudiments and rolls upon its drum, providing the perfect accompaniment for the strong melody. my heart pumped out a bass line, a simple jazz rhythm, and the song was almost complete. i lay there, eyes shut but watching, the melody played on and on and on into the night.
i began to laugh. the melody picked up tempo and played lighter and lovelier. the beautiful staccatos and delicate grace notes brought a smile to my war-torn face. it began a slow, placid movement as i opened my eyes.
i could feel it there, on my chest, where the weight was no more than hours ago. this melody, a symphony of pure affection, coursed throughout my veins arteries capillaries aorta heart arms legs head neck it came to rest in my soul.

they pattered their variation of the melody upon my window, reminding me of the war i had fought. each attack struck me so deeply, a subtle piano-forte . the war is finally over. i know this, for i have felt the peace. standing in the doorway, peace looking me in the face. behind me is the rain, but i bother it not. it gives me passage, never troubles me, as i do it. the rain was behind me, and the peace was in front of me and there was a clear choice.
i often see myself dead in the rain.
i could not draw myself away from this end-game reflection of what i had been fighting for. i walked through the bombed cities of soul and realized what i had been valiantly fighting for was the exact thing i was fighting against.
i wanted to start a new life, find a decent dwelling. adobe house, mayhap.

i can only find one analogy, and that is one of magnetism and attraction. this negative found out of the pure positive peace and took hold of it. i tried to pull myself away (for kicks, i suppose) but was drawn back in. over and over this process repeated, until finally i became positive and i was pushed away.

i became positive and i was pushed away into the rain and bullets.